


I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

by Graefin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Additional tags for the smut in the last chapter's notes, Dual POV, Established Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Kenma has anxiety, M/M, Post-Time Skip, lengthy description of an earthquake and its aftermath, the mildest of angsts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graefin/pseuds/Graefin
Summary: Kuroo and Kenma find themselves separated when an earthquake hits the Tokyo area.The following day, something surprising happens...
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	1. Kuroo's POV

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is my first fic for the Haikyuu fandom, which I’ve been sucked into recently. I don’t regret a thing. My otaku soul came back stronger than ever during this lockdown year ç_ç
> 
> This all generated from a fever dream of Kenma greeting Kuroo back home after a day of work, and it escalated from there…
> 
> Real-life inspiration comes from that time I was in New Delhi’s airport and I almost lost the connecting flight, _and_ my phone didn’t have connection. The heartfelt stress is real ^^’  
> As is my experience with disastrous earthquakes, although not in Japan. I unashamedly googled the locations' names, so if you've ever been to the outskirts of Tokyo's metropolitan area, please forgive my inaccuracy in describing them!
> 
> Reference is made to the [2011 Great East Japan earthquake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_T%C5%8Dhoku_earthquake_and_tsunami), which then provoked the [Fukushima nuclear disaster](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fukushima_Daiichi_nuclear_disaster).  
> I remember it with dread even if I live on the other side of the world.
> 
> Although this event is obviously not mentioned in the manga nor in the anime, as I went to write about an earthquake I realized that canonically all Haikyuu characters were in middle or high school in 2011, so I imagined what could have happened to them…
> 
> The Rating “Explicit” is for the smut in the last chapter, but you can also stop reading at the 3rd chapter if you don’t like reading that.
> 
> A SUPER HUGE THANKS to [Eskarina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eskarina) who helped me by beta-reading this fic!!! I love your fics, senpai ❤️❤️❤️ 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!!

It was around 7 PM, 8th of November, when the earthquake hit. It was raining heavily in the Tokyo area.

Kuroo was on the train, on his way back from a daily business trip to a firm outside Tokyo, in the town of Shimotsuke.

He didn't notice anything in the beginning, the tremor confused with the normal vibrations of the train. But then the train suddenly started to slow down, as some of the commuters around him glanced concernedly at each other.

The train’s loudspeakers cracked, and out came the tinny voice of the train manager: “ _Esteemed_ _passengers, the train will stop for safety reasons, as we are experiencing an earthquake. Please remain seated and stay calm. We ensure the absolute safety for everyone on board and will be back as soon as possible with more information_ ”.

The loudspeakers buzzed off and everyone started talking at once. Strangers started worriedly questioning each other, seeking reassurance.

Kuroo’s mouth was startled shut, his tongue attached to his dry palate. After a second of confusion, he placed both hands on the seat handles to try and feel the vibrations, now that the train was still. He could feel a slight tremor, but the lights and the heating in the carriage were still on, so he figured that the tremor’s magnitude was not major.

His mind flew unwillingly to the last and worst earthquake he had experienced, in 2011, his second year of high school.

_He was in school at the time of the first tremor, around 3 PM._

_The ground trembled so hard and for so long that most of his classmates screamed that they were going to die there. Luckily the Nekoma school building survived, even though the electricity went out. The whole school was gathered in the open courtyard by teachers who looked green with fear._

_Kuroo, more terrified than he liked to admit, ran straight to find Kenma as soon as they reached the courtyard. Ignoring his teacher’s scolding that they had to remain grouped by class, he wrapped his arm around Kenma and squeezed his head under his armpit so tight he might have choked him. Kenma said nothing but he also didn’t return to his class, instead gripping the hem of Kuroo’s school blazer with white knuckles._

_After the first, strongest tremor, three more followed in quick succession, and by the end of it many students were crying, kneeling on the ground._

_They were sent home after that, with the recommendation to go by foot and be very mindful to avoid narrow roads with old buildings, which had the risk of balconies and loose plasters collapsing._

_Kenma and him used to take the train to school, but that evening they walked back home hand in hand in the fading sunlight. It took them almost two hours to get home. They never spoke, except to decide on which road to take, but Kenma didn’t look at his phone or his DS once. He held Kuroo’s hand tight and followed him silently._

_That whole walk in the sunset felt like a romantic post-apocalyptic dream in Kuroo's mind._

_The tremors continued during the night and the following day. Kuroo’s young heart had been scarred witnessing his grandparents terrified to the bone. In his eyes they were his wise tutors, old people who had experienced far worse things in their lives. But the news called it “the most powerful earthquake ever recorded in Japan”._

_As much as he pretended to be a smug sixteen-year-old with an unwavering spirit, he slept between his grandparents that night, and the following day - all schools and offices closed - was spent by the three of them together with Kenma’s family in their garden, as it was safer to wait out the earthquake in the open._

_Updates of deaths and disasters all over the country kept coming non-stop during the following days; deep wounds left on the flesh of their country which took years and years to heal._

_That was a part of living in Japan, though, his grandma had commented wisely. The ground might not be stable under our feet, so we must be stable within ourselves._

It had been a terrible experience and Kuroo didn’t realize how much every single dreadful moment of it was etched into his brain until they all flashed before his eyes while he sat frozen on his train seat.

After a slightly stronger tremor, the train’s engines whined, and the lights trembled off.

Kuroo swallowed the bit of saliva still left in his mouth and peeked through the window to look at the outside world. The rain seemed to be thinning down, but all he could see were fields and a few country houses scattered in the distance. No signs or landmarks indicating where they were.

Almost an hour passed, in the dark and with the carriage becoming progressively colder. Kuroo deduced from the other commuters’ unfruitful attempts that making phone calls was impossible, as the network was off, so he stayed put and tried to calm down.

Finally, the train manager’s voice buzzed again in the loudspeakers, announcing that the train would continue at secured speed until the station of Higashi-Washinomiya and then stop for the day, as the railway operators had to check the lines for eventual damages. The train manager apologized profusely and reassured that the situation was under control and they were all safe.

Indeed the train lights flickered back on and the train took off again, dragging itself at reduced speed to the next station.

Higashi-Washinomiya was a nondescript small centre, roughly one hour north of Tokyo. It only had two schools, a few shops and a train station, and the rest of it were agricultural fields all around.

Kuroo found himself stranded there together with almost 400 other passengers, with no buses or taxis in sight. There might have been a few taxis, but they were snatched by the first lucky passengers who made it out of the little train station.

It was around 9 PM, the night humidity was rising and Kuroo shivered, cursing internally. The train manager had said that surely during the night the potential line damages would be repaired, and they could all get a ride free of charge on the first train to Tokyo at 5 AM to go home.

Right… He would just have to find a place to spend the night. But in this hole in the countryside there seemed to be no hotels. He began walking, following the crowd. Maybe some people knew where a hotel was and they were going there, or at least they could reach the “town” center to perhaps find a shop that was open all night to at least stay warm. The act of walking calmed his nerves a bit and he finally remembered the world around himself.

Fuck.

 _Kenma_.

His nerves spiked again at the thought of his boyfriend, alone and scared in their house - hopefully he _was safe_ there, at least! And then of his grandmother, who was now living alone in his childhood house.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and went to make the necessary calls. The evil, little red light blinking “12% of charge remaining” looked back at him.

F u c k.

Kuroo hadn’t brought a phone charger with him, being on a day trip. He had a power bank with him, but he had used all of it already during the day, and for nothing other than the new game he and Kenma were playing online together!

He checked if his phone caught some internet connection, but there was none. It was to be expected; during earthquakes the phone network suffered damages too, and just after a major event the network was overloaded by all the people who tried to communicate at the same time.

He checked if there was at least reception to call. There was some, as poor as it was. He checked around him and saw some other people talking over their phones.

Now he had to decide who to call first, his grandma or his boyfriend, at the risk of his phone shutting off before he could make the second call.

He felt like he was deciding who to save and who to kill. He sharply inhaled the cold night air and tried to think logically. Reasonably, Kenma was the calmer type, never to be fussed by any emotions, and should be capable of bearing one night alone without news from Kuroo. Hell, he thought bitterly, this morning Kenma had _hissed_ at him because Kuroo had woken him up too early with kisses before leaving for his trip.

His grandmother, on the other hand, was capable of calling the police in all prefectures of Japan to report her precious nephew as missing if he didn’t check up on her.

So he called her. The call went through, and she luckily answered as soon as the phone rang, but the reception was very sketchy. Forced to repeat everything twice, Kuroo managed to explain to her what had happened and that he was safe, albeit at the risk of spending the night outside. She launched herself into giving unsolicited advice on how to spend the night more comfortably - find a tool shed to take shelter in? Ask for hospitality by knocking on random doors? Seriously, gran, we don’t live in the 60’s anymore, I can’t do that!

Then he recalled that his phone was dying, he took it off his ear and saw the dreaded 1% sign on the screen. He shouted “Gran! Gran, my phone is out of battery, can you call Kenma and tell him I’m ok?”, but before his grandma could answer, his phone screen went black.

Great.

He cursed, this time out loud, and barely restrained himself from smashing his phone on the asphalt.

Following the crowd, they reached an inconspicuous building which however displayed a neon sign reading “The Singing Mountain - Inn - Rooms by the hour”. There was already a large gathering outside the door. There were also some local police officers talking to the crowd.

He managed to understand that the hotel was already full by now, but that the hotel personnel was arranging futons to host as many people as possible in their common spaces for the night, and the rest of the stranded passengers would be hosted in the school gym opened for the occasion.

Policemen were shouting to divide people in groups. More and more locals came out from the surrounding homes; some carrying blankets, some others various kinds of food.

Kuroo’s head started aching from all the noise, the cold, the hunger. He sighed. It was bound to be a long night.

In the end he was _obviously_ among the ones to be hosted in the gym, which was far less cozy than the dining room of a hotel, for sure. The gym had been reopened and warmed with some makeshift heaters, but it was still quite cold.

His stomach growled. The locals had tried to distribute some warm food to all the stranded passengers, but the line was unbearably long for that too, and Kuroo thought it better to leave the food for women, children and elderly people. Honestly, he just wanted to lie down for a few hours before it was time to take the train back and forget about all of this.

His three-piece suit and tie were incredibly uncomfortable to sleep in, he realized, but what could he do? He loosened his tie and shoved it in his pocket. Then he unbuttoned jacket and waistcoat, removed his shoes and lied on his designed gym mat.

There were three, maybe four electricity sockets in all the gym, but they had been occupied by other people as soon as they got in. There were already some people arguing over borrowed chargers and who had a more urgent need to make a phone call.

He put aside his worry that he hadn’t even sent a text to Kenma, turned on his side, wrapped himself in his coat and fell into a restless sleep.


	2. Kenma's POV

It was around 7 PM when the earthquake hit.

Kenma had just gotten home from university. His graduation was getting closer and this meant endless meetings with his thesis’ supervisor. This left him with less and less time to take care of his private business, and even less time to relax and play some games.

His stress had increased so much during the last months that he snapped at everyone who said more than two unwanted words to him.

He was _also_ soaked, because obviously it had started raining just after he got out of his professor’s office and obviously he didn’t have an umbrella with him.

When he opened the door, the house was dark. Apparently Kuro wasn’t home yet. Kenma sighed and started undressing himself, leaving a trail of wet clothes from the entrance to the living room.

He thought wearily about how he had mistreated his boyfriend this morning. Kuro had just wanted some goodbye kisses, but Kenma had wanted his half an hour of additional sleep more.

In his mind, he was still replaying the scene of him slapping Kuro in the face and trying to conjure up some apology words, when the ground started shaking under his feet.

Kenma froze for a second, then his instincts kicked in and he crouched under the dining table, arms crossed above his head in the safety position they were all taught since age three in Japan.

They lived on the twelfth floor, it was not safe to take the stairs now.

He stayed still, trying to calm his breath, listening to his own rabbiting heartbeat.

His eyes were locked on a single spot on the floor between his knees, unable to move. His mind kept replaying the memories from 2011’s earthquake, his first year of high school. He prayed that this wasn’t going to be the same magnitude.

The noise of blood pounding in his ears muted the clattering of all their utensils shaking around him. Suddenly, his backpack fell on the floor from where it was placed precariously on the edge of the sofa, and Kenma flinched, hitting his crossed wrists against the bottom of the table.

The tremor seemed to go on forever, but eventually it subsided and the ground felt somewhat stable again.

Kenma crawled out from under the table and had to support himself on the sofa to stand on shaking legs. Just then, the only light that was on in the house went off. The clicking noise of their electricity meter informed him that the electricity was actually off in the apartment, or perhaps in the whole building.

 _Damn_ , he thought. Should he go outside to check what was happening? Was it safe or was another tremor going to happen soon? It was not infrequent for several earth tremors to happen in rapid sequence.

He was shaking so badly, both from the fear and the cold of being clad in only a t-shirt and underwear, that the only thing he could manage was to grab his dirty pajama pants (which luckily this morning had been thrown on the back of the sofa) and clumsily slip them on.

Heart in his throat, he made his way back to the entrance door, slipped his damp coat and a pair of dry shoes on, and ventured outside.

The lights in the hallway were off too, so he used his phone as a flashlight. Obviously the elevators were out of order, so he cautiously went to take the stairs, following the voices he could hear from some floors below.

When he had reached the ninth floor, he found one apartment door open and a middle-aged lady talking animatedly to a group of three people, all dressed quite haphazardly. One of them, a sturdy old man, had a big torchlight in his hands and was answering in a slow, quiet tone as opposed to the scared blabbering of the other three.

Focusing on the old man’s voice to calm his anxiety, Kenma took the last few steps towards them and muttered, “E-excuse me…”

None of the other people seemed to hear him, but the old man with the torch saw him approaching and directed the light to illuminate him and reveal his presence to the rest of the group.

They all turned to look at him, and Kenma felt his anxiety spike again. He lowered his eyes and forced himself to speak.

“Excuse me, sorry for disturbing you," he bowed respectfully, "I’m Mr Kozume, I live on the twelfth floor… I- I just w-wanted to know if the electricity was off in the whole building,” he concluded, bowing again for good measure.

After having said all this to a group of strangers with minimal stuttering, he was out of breath as if he had run half a marathon. He raised his eyes and felt himself blush at the look of apprehension the lady directed to him.

They all started talking at once, introducing themselves and informing him that yes, indeed the electricity seemed to have gone out in the whole building and perhaps the whole neighborhood, considering that the surrounding buildings visible from the windows were all in the dark too.

“Darling, you’re shaking!” the woman told him in a concerned voice. “Are you ok? Are you alone? Where are your parents?”

“Um, I’m fine… I-I go to university, I live with my—” He bit his tongue before saying “boyfriend” because a bunch of strangers, _especially_ their neighbours, better not know about his and Kuroo’s sexual preferences now. “—my friend, but he’s out on a business trip now”.

They nodded and kept talking about how the tremors seemed to have stopped now anyway and the electricity would hopefully come back soon. Kenma kept shivering, but felt comforted listening to the placid voice of the old man, who was calmly noting how the tremors hadn't been strong and everything would most likely go back to normal in a couple hours.

Eventually, the other two neighbours went back to their dark apartments, but the woman with the kind smile and worried eyes said, “Darling, you’re shaking too much. Let me give you some hot tea. You too, Mr Katsuyoshi. Please come in.”

The old man nodded and made way with his torch. Kenma normally wouldn’t accept spontaneous invitations into strangers' places, but his nerves felt so frayed that for once he gladly accepted entering an apartment which was not completely empty.

The lady’s place was dark, but by following the torchlight and feeling his way with his hands, he reached the sofa. He carefully sat down, while the lady puttered around her gas stove (which was luckily still working), preparing tea with the light of a few candles scattered around the house.

When Kenma had his warm cup of jasmine tea in his hands and had taken a sip, he felt his muscles finally relax a bit. He let out a long breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

The two neighbours were chatting quietly and Kenma tuned them out, sipping his tea and feeling some warmth returning to his limbs. Suddenly he heard a soft _mreow_ and felt something warm brush against his calf. Two seconds later a short-haired black and white cat jumped on the sofa beside him.

“Hey there,” Kenma whispered.

The cat looked at Kenma appraisingly, big eyes glowing in the semi-obscurity. Then, apparently deciding that Kenma was good enough to snuggle with, it curled up into a ball beside him.

The woman smiled warmly, “That’s my Kiki”.

Kenma felt himself smile too, and he extended a hand to stroke the animal’s fur. Then the woman asked again, “Darling, do you have your phone with you? I’m sure your parents would like to know you’re safe.” 

Kenma scrunched his nose, not liking the nosy remark, but he had to concede that he probably had to check on his parents - _and_ on Kuroo.

He took his phone out to check for any missed calls or texts, but realized that there was no reception. He said as much, and Mr Katsuyoshi noted that indeed it was normal for the phone network to go out after an earthquake. However, a landline should be working fine.

Kenma muttered that he didn’t have a landline at home, he only used his smartphone. The lady offered him to use her landline to call his parents, and Kenma begrudgingly accepted, considering that his phone could be unusable for who knows how long still.

His mum answered their home phone right away and indeed sounded slightly concerned, telling him that she had tried to call him but his phone was unreachable. Kenma recounted what had happened and assured her that everything was fine.

“Wait, but why are you alone? Where’s Tetsurō?” She asked then.

Kenma frowned at the wall in front of him, his anxiety spiking back up. “He went on a business trip this morning! I don’t know where he is. The phone network is off so I can’t call him now!!!”

He was sure his voice sounded so distressed and angry that his mother changed tone, reassuring him that everything was probably fine, and that Kuro would soon come back home. None of her words managed to reassure Kenma in the slightest.

Kenma ended the call soon after that, then thanked the nice lady and Mr Katsuyoshi and said goodbye, after assuring the lady’s request a thousand times that if he needed something he would come to ask her.

Slowly, Kenma made his way back to his dark and empty apartment. They didn’t have any candles, and he didn’t know if Kuro owned a torchlight. He sat on the step at the entrance and checked how much charge his phone had left. There was still enough, so he used his phone’s flashlight to reach the bedroom and finally put on some dry, clean clothes. Then he sat on the sofa and waited for the electricity to come back, or at least for the phone reception to resume so he could call Kuro.

After one hour, around 9 PM, an encompassing buzz alerted him that the electricity was probably back. From the window, he could see lights flicking back on in the apartments around theirs.

He was already starting to despair that something had broken in their apartment, but then he remembered he had to manually click back the meter switch at the entrance to resume the electricity. Cursing, he made his way back to the entrance and, after a couple trials, he managed to turn the right switch back on. The living room light turned on, confirming that everything was back to normal.

Kenma dropped on the sofa and covered his face with his arms. This day had been _so_ stressful.

His stomach growled. Right, he hadn’t had dinner yet. He had planned to have dinner with Kuro, perhaps ordering his favourite take out to make up for his morning surliness.

But Kuro wasn’t home yet and the phone reception was still off, so he resolved to making himself some instant ramen. He tried to eat it all, despite his stomach closing with anxiety after a few bites; his eyes constantly darting to his phone to check if there was any reception yet.

After one more hour, during which Kenma tried to distract himself by reading back his professor’s corrections on his last thesis’ chapter, his phone chimed with several unread message notifications and he realized that the reception had to be back.

He grabbed it hastily and scrolled. There were messages from his mum, from Shōyō, from several university groupchats and even from Bokuto, but nothing from Kuro.

Kenma tried to call him, but the voice message answered that the number was unreachable.

Cold dread cursed through Kenma’s body. _What if_ \- but no, no, he couldn’t jump to the worst conclusions already.

Kuro’s phone was probably just out of battery - he never brought a charger with him during a day trip. Certainly the trains had been delayed. He would probably be home soon.

And so Kenma settled back on the sofa, wrapping a thick blanket around himself, unable to do anything other than alternate between pretending to read his university materials and looking back and forth from his phone to the front door.

He kept repeating to himself that Kuro would be home soon, but as the hours passed his mind kept running in circles between trying to find logical explanations (“Maybe his train stopped in the middle of nowhere and he cannot come back to Tokyo until the train line is restored”) and fearing that soon he would receive a call from the police to tell him that the train Kuro was on had derailed.

He slowly slumped in a horizontal position and curled himself up in a ball on the sofa. He buried his face between his knees and fell into a restless sleep at around 3 AM.


	3. Reunited

Kenma woke up with sunlight shining into the room, and immediately checked his phone. It was 6.30 AM. No new messages. The apartment was silent as ever.

He was desperately thirsty, so he grabbed the water bottle he had left on the floor and drank half of it.

The water woke his brain up, so he sat up, looking around. Everything was eerily still like he had left it the night before. His backpack open on the ground, his thesis’ notes stacked on the sofa beside him, his dirty clothes from yesterday scattered in a line on the floor. No trace of Kuro anywhere.

He felt himself starting to break out in a nervous sweat again. He was conscious of smelling bad - he hadn’t showered yesterday evening, too worried to move from the sofa. His hair was dirty too, falling in thin strands in front of his eyes, so he angrily gathered it in a bun. With his field of vision free, his gaze nervously swept the apartment once again, mind paralyzed with worry.

Surely Kuro had to be back by now if nothing had happened. What was he supposed to do? Call the police? What even was the procedure for missing people in cases of earthquakes? His heart clenched.

He was going to open his laptop to check on the news, when he heard the unmistakable sound of keys in the lock.

He froze, observing the door open and the tall, disheveled figure of his boyfriend make his way into the apartment.

Kuro was still dressed in his work suit, but his tie was missing, his hair had a horrible shape and he had huge bags under his eyes.

“ _ **Tetsu**_ …!” Kenma heard his own voice break and he choked on the last syllable of his boyfriend’s name.

Kuro dropped his coat on the floor and literally ran towards him. They met in the middle of the living room and Kenma had probably never hugged anyone so tight.

Never hugged _Kuro_ so tight, not even when they had confessed their love to each other, not even when they had made love the first time.

Kuro was hugging him back just as tight, his big arms wrapped around Kenma’s shoulders and head, engulfing him entirely. With his face buried in Kuro’s chest, Kenma noticed his boyfriend also smelling of stale sweat and coffee. But never had the familiar smell of Kuro’s sweat been so comforting.

He didn’t realize he was crying until Kuro released him and lifted his face with a hand on his chin.

Kuro looked like he had travelled to hell and back, and his eyes were shiny too.

“Kenma, Kenma…” he called, and his raspy voice was choked. “Oh Kenma, don’t cry, my love…”

It was the term of endearment that broke Kenma’s floodgates and he started bawling and screaming. He punched Kuro’s chest and yelled, “Where were you? What happened? Why didn’t you call me?! I tried to call you so many times, but your phone was unreachable!”

Kuro’s face was startled, as if he didn’t expect that kind of reaction from Kenma.

Kenma’s voice rose in tone and pitch, and he sobbed, sniffed, sobbed some more and finally choked out, “I thought that you were… that you were…” He couldn’t finish the sentence looking Kuro in the eyes, so he squeezed them shut, feeling more hot tears running along his cheeks.

“I treated you so badly yesterday morning. And all I could think was that… I didn’t want those to be the last words I said to you.” Another sob wracked his body. “I thought that I would never see you again,” he finished with a broken voice. His whole face felt swollen but he literally _couldn’t_ make himself stop crying, and he was too embarrassed to open his eyes.

He felt Kuro’s arms leaving his shoulders, and seconds later Kuro’s face pressed into his stomach. He startled and looked down on him.

Kuro had fallen on his knees in front of him and was hugging his waist. His shoulders were shaking, so Kenma rubbed at them with one hand.

Kuro raised his face and, _oh_. He was crying, too.

“I’m so sorry!” Kuro shouted. “I- You - I…” he stuttered, but as Kenma squeezed the muscle on his shoulder he took a deep breath and continued. “The train stopped in the station of Higashi-Washi-whatever and there were no other trains after that and no way to go back to Tokyo before 5 this morning! All the trains’ passengers had to spend the night in the school gym. And, fuck, I am an idiot because I never bring a charger with me, and my phone was dying, and I had to choose between calling my grandma and you, so I thought that you wouldn’t worry, so I called her… Fuck, I was such a jerk. I am sorry, Kenma. Will you ever forgive me?”

Kenma tried to process everything Kuro had said, and it made sense.

There was no logical reason to be angry at Kuro, and in fact he was not mad. He was just… incredibly relieved that the love of his life was still alive.

He fell to his knees in front of Kuro and told him so.

“I’m not mad at you. I was just… very scared. I had a horrible night”, he confessed, and more tears spilled out. He had no idea where all these emotions were coming from, all of a sudden. He felt strangely naked.

Kuro seemed to understand, though. He brushed away his tears and kissed his brow. His warm lips moved against Kenma’s forehead. “I had a horrible night too. I will never take you for granted again, my love. I was worried for you too. Forgive me, please”.

Kenma sniffled. “There’s nothing to forgive, Testu. I’m just happy you’re alive”, he replied, then buried his face in Kuro’s chest again, sweat smell be damned.

Kuro’s arms wrapped around him again, rocking him, and his hand came up to stroke his head calmly. They remained like this, crouched on the ground, long enough for their tears to subside. Slowly, Kenma moved into Kuro’s lap and snuggled up there, feeling sleepier and sleepier by the minute.

Finally Kuro stood up, bringing Kenma with him.

“Have you slept?” he asked, examining Kenma’s tired face.

“Just...maybe two to three hours”, Kenma murmured, his voice heavy with exhaustion . “I couldn’t do anything other than lay on the sofa and look at the door. I smell bad, I haven’t even washed myself”, he frowned.

“Me too”, answered Kuro with a soft smile. “I had to sleep in my suit. I’m sure I smell like shit.”

Kenma shook his head and lowered his eyes to the ground, embarrassed again. The moment felt unusually intimate.

Kuro took his hand.

“Come on”, he said softly, “let’s take a bath and then sleep for a few hours”.

“But… Don’t you have to go to work in like two hours?”

“I sent them an email when I was finally back on the train and I could charge my phone. I told them what happened and took a day off. I’m not leaving you alone again at least for today.”

Kenma blushed, and let himself be led into the bathroom.

After all the crying and yelling, they took comfort in each other's quiet gestures.

Kuro undressed Kenma very slowly, attentively rubbing at his tired muscles as he discovered them. Kenma felt life gradually returning to his skin at every comforting press of Kuro’s hands.

Finally, Kenma was naked and the last thing Kuro did was press a kiss against the nape of his neck before slipping the hairband out of his bun. A cascade of long black hair with discoloured blond tips fell against his pale shoulders, and Kuro sighed. “I love your hair”, he said in a fond voice. Kenma turned to look at him with a small smile, cheeks red. Kuro stopped fiddling with his shirt's buttons to send him back a loving glance, cheeks equally red.

Just this once, while he turned on the faucet to fill the bath, Kenma allowed his eyes to linger on Kuro’s fit body being revealed while he undressed. His boyfriend was hot, and even if Kenma felt too bone-tired to entertain sexual thoughts, the view still stirred his blood.

They showered first, washing each other with care. Kuro took extra time to carefully wash and put conditioner into Kenma’s hair, grabbing a comb to untangle the knots while they bathed.

Then they sat in their small bathtub, sighing in unison as they sunk into the hot water.

Kenma unashamedly sat between Kuro’s legs. Kuro started carefully combing his hair, and after a couple of seconds asked softly, “Want to tell me exactly what happened yesterday?”

Kenma nodded, “But then I want to know what happened to you, too”.

They stayed in the bath for long, speaking to each other gently. There was quiet contentment in the tender little sentences exchanged, faces only a few inches apart. 

Kenma talked about Kiki, the neighbour’s cat. Kuro talked about the gym mat he slept on and how it reminded him of their volleyball retreats. Their frayed nerves healed bit by bit with every word.

After they had recounted their days, Kenma softly called, “Kuro”.

“Hm?” Kuro hummed back, thumbs massaging Kenma’s shoulders.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday morning, you know. And... I know it always comes across like I don’t care about you… but - I do. I love you”.

Kuro’s heart warmed. “I know you find it difficult to express your feelings”, he answered. “I know it’s easier for you to show it with your actions. So I’m all the more grateful you’re telling me this now”. He embraced Kenma and whispered in his ear, “I know you do. I love you too, Kenma”.

They remained like that for a few more minutes, hugging in silence.

They were forced to get out by the water becoming too cold. They hastily dried themselves off and completed their business in the bathroom. 

Then, utterly tired, they fell on their bed together, drifting off while wrapped around each other like two cuddly cats.


	4. The morning (actually afternoon) after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for the sexy tags – there’s not many, in fact:
> 
> Kuroo is insecure about a certain body part; Blow Jobs; Rimming; 69; (sort of) submissive Kuroo.
> 
> Enjoy 😈

Kuroo woke up first, as usual. Judging by the orange shade of light coming from outside, it was still early afternoon.

Kenma was peacefully asleep in his arms, seemingly not having moved one bit from the position they fell asleep in. He must have been really exhausted yesterday to sleep soundly like that.

Kuroo observed his lover, illuminated by the soft late sunlight. Kenma was clad only in one of his big Bouncing Ball LTD t-shirts. His back was rising and falling peacefully, his arms bent in front of him in a fetal position and his face burrowed completely into Kuroo’s chest. His long hair had dried haphazardly and was strewn all over the pillow in black locks curled up at the ends. His eyelids trembled minutely with the last stages of sleep.

Kuroo’s heart ached looking at his beautiful boyfriend and thinking back at this morning’s confessions. He had known that Kenma cared for him deeply, even if he almost never expressed it out loud. But now thinking back to the love shown through Kenma’s words and actions made Kuroo feel on cloud nine.

He grinned to himself like a fool. He nuzzled his head back on the pillow, satisfied, closing his eyes peacefully, and tried to go back to sleep.

After a few seconds, however, the warmth seeping from his boyfriend’s body towards his own slowly deviated his thoughts from pure love and affection to something a lot _less_ holy.

Kenma smelled of their fruity body wash but also of his own warm, sexy personal smell. Kuroo inhaled his boyfriend’s scent deeply and then slowly blinked his eyes back open. Instinctively, he pressed a kiss into his boyfriend’s hair. At that, Kenma twitched slightly and emitted a soft mewl that Kuroo wouldn’t have heard if he wasn’t practically attached to him. 

All of Kuroo’s senses were assaulted at once, and his cock perked up, unprompted.

Suddenly the desire to taste Kenma overcame everything else and, in the sleepy muddiness of his brain, Kuroo could only think “Why not?”

Very carefully, he extracted his arms from around his boyfriend’s body. He observed him for a couple of seconds to make sure that he had not been woken up by the movement, but he seemed as immobile as before.

Then, Kuroo carefully lifted the duvet and swiftly dove under it.

Suddenly most of the light was obscured, and the faint noises coming from outside were muted. It was hot under the duvet, and the warm smell of Kenma’s body was overpowering.

Kuroo moved downwards with as little wiggling as possible, until he was lying on his side facing Kenma’s belly. His t-shirt had ridden up a bit during sleep and a sliver of pale stomach was visible above the small black briefs Kenma had worn to bed.

Kuroo’s heart beat faster at the sight, and he reverently extended a hand to lift Kenma’s t-shirt higher up to reveal his abs.

Kenma’s body had changed, obviously, since they had graduated high school. He had grown a bit taller (but still shorter than Kuroo). Even though he was not playing sports anymore, his shoulders had broadened, giving him a manly silhouette. He was still very slim though, his hips slender and his stomach showing just the slightest outline of abs. His skin, pale and smooth like silk, had remained unblemished through puberty and young adulthood.

Kuroo had loved him through every stage of it. Now, even though he had seen it a million times before, he observed enraptured the faint line of thin black hair trailing down from Kenma’s navel into his briefs, as if it was a miracle unraveling before his eyes.

Slowly, very slowly, he moved his face until he touched Kenma’s warm skin with his lips, and began pressing close-mouthed kisses to his stomach. When he reached his navel, he opened his mouth and gave a tiny lick. The clean taste of Kenma’s skin on his tongue made blood pulse in his ears and into his cock, and soon he lost himself in the sensation, kissing lower and lower under Kenma’s navel. With two fingers he pulled at the waistband of his briefs and buried his nose in the patch of soft hair on Kenma’s groin, inhaling deeply and licking at the skin. He felt slightly crazed, possessed by an almost inhuman hunger. Maybe the oxygen levels were too low in the air under the duvet and he was going to die of asphyxiation. _But man, what a way to go_ , he thought, _suffocated with my face between my boyfriend's legs_. _I wouldn’t mind_.

Just as he was about to tug the waistband of Kenma’s briefs under his cock and take it whole into his mouth, a hand gripped his hair roughly, while at the same time the duvet was lifted and a flow of fresh air hit Kuroo’s face.

He lifted his eyes to be faced with his boyfriend’s confused frown.

“Whatcha doing?” Kenma asked, his naturally smoky voice raspy from sleep.

 _Oh fuck - he sounds so sexy_ , Kuroo’s horny brain thought.

“Having a morning snack”, he replied, feigning coolness. He smirked, trying to look sexy.

Kenma blushed, but his grip on Kuroo’s hair remained strong and he seemed to think about something. His subsequent smirk frighteningly resembled Kuroo’s own.

 _Uh-oh_ \- Kuroo thought - _what have I gotten myself into?_

Kenma released his hair and rushed to remove his briefs in one swift move. Then proceeded to drop his legs open wide and throw Kuroo a teasing look.

“Come over here”, he opened his arms. “I want a snack too”, he announced with a hungry look, licking his lips.

Kuroo’s ears flushed suddenly. It was rare to see Kenma in such an openly horny state. Usually Kuroo had to tease him quite a bit to see him reacting in any sort of way.

Eagerly, Kuroo bent forward to fall between his arms and kiss him, but Kenma blocked him with a hand against his face and shook his head.

He raised a finger and made the gesture to turn around. “This way we’ll both get our snacks, no?” he said matter-of-factly, but Kuroo was certain Kenma was fighting back a smug grin for being a smartass. 

That said, Kuroo’s brain had short-circuited and he couldn’t find any words to quip back, except for “...uh. Yes,” as he went to obey his boyfriend.

He was turning around on his knees when Kenma called “Take off your pants first!” behind him. 

Kuroo blushed. He always felt flustered when his boyfriend ordered him around, but his cock standing straight and hard revealed he enjoyed it far more than he’d like to admit to himself.

He slowly pushed his underwear under his ass, hoping Kenma was enjoying the show. Then, he carefully removed it altogether and turned his head, suddenly at a loss for what to do, asking directions from Kenma with pleading eyes.

Kenma’s cheeks were red but his composure remained unhindered. He patted his chest and encouraged him, “Come sit up here.”

Kuroo blushed harder, feeling embarrassed by the idea of putting his ass in front of his boyfriend’s face, but Kenma had specifically requested it. He kneeled his way backwards and lifted his hips, both mindful of not crushing Kenma with his weight and careful of assuming the best position to give Kenma easy access to his dick.

However, Kenma grabbed his hips with both hands and forcefully pulled him down until he was actually seated on his chest.

“Uh... hey... am I not too heavy? Be careful”, he wheezed and squirmed, ashamed that his ass was now _so close_ to Kenma’s face. He felt a stinging slap on his right asscheek in response.

“Shut up and suck my dick” came Kenma’s harsh reply from behind, in a stern order that made Kuroo’s own dick leak out a few drops of precome.

To punctuate his order, Kenma thrust his hips upwards, shoving his own hard erection directly into Kuroo's face.

Embarrassed beyond measure by the situation and his reaction to it, Kuroo couldn't do anything else other than obey the order. He buried his face between Kenma’s soft thighs, opening his mouth and taking all of his cock in his mouth. Kenma’s cock was not the biggest and it was smaller than Kuroo’s own, but Kuroo liked it because it made it easy to deepthroat him - and that’s what he was going to do today.

He started sucking, but was startled by the feeling of Kenma’s hands pulling his asscheeks apart and, mere seconds later, of Kenma’s wet tongue against his asshole.

 _Oh god_. So _this_ was happening.

You see, it wasn’t that Kuroo and Kenma were prudes. As soon as they had confessed their feelings to each other, they had quickly progressed into sexy pastimes, and the shyness Kenma had in other matters of his life didn’t translate into bed. In fact, Kuroo himself liked eating Kenma out a lot, and he did it as often as he could, with Kenma’s very vocal enjoyment. But the opposite hadn’t happened yet, still, after four years together.

The reason was that Kuroo felt self-conscious about his own ass. 

Kenma’s was perfect because Kenma was an angel who always smelled good, and he had very little body hair by constitution, and where he had it it was soft and Kuroo loved it on him.

Instead, since he had started growing it as a teenager, Kuroo had always hated how much hair _he_ had _down there_ , both on his groin and between his asscheeks, and how coarse it was. Sure, he was a man, it was normal. But he didn’t want to force his cute boyfriend to put his face in there. So, all the times Kenma had made a move to initiate it, Kuroo had always stopped him and diverted his attention on something else, until eventually Kenma had stopped trying.

Kuroo assumed Kenma had given up or thought that Kuroo wasn’t interested in it.

He’d assumed wrong. Kenma was just waiting in ambush for the right moment.

His mouth stuffed full with cock, the only thing Kuroo could do was yelp, and then moan when Kenma started licking him in earnest.

His skin prickled, hairs on his arms rising. The tingling sensations travelling from his ass up in his spine were unlike anything else Kuroo had ever experienced. It was _hot_ , and _wet_ , but much more intense than the feeling of Kenma’s mouth on his cock - maybe because of the different intimacy of the action. More than that, it felt good. Kuroo hadn't expected it to feel _so good_ , even though Kenma always moaned the loudest when he did it to him.

He heard himself making embarrassingly whiny noises, so he tried to muffle them by pushing Kenma’s cock farther down his throat.

He gagged, and that noise in turn made _Kenma_ moan, and the vibrations travelled from Kenma's mouth into Kuroo's nerves, sending a shiver through his whole body.

Just when he thought he was getting used to the feeling of the flat of Kenma’s tongue lapping at him, Kenma’s hands gripped his asscheeks to spread them further, prodding the tip of his tongue _inside_.

Kuroo's eyes went wide.

His cock-gagged mouth produced an involuntary pitiful sound. The feeling of Kenma’s tongue breaching him was overwhelming, and he found himself struggling to breathe, so much that he had to release Kenma’s cock from his lips to gulp in some air. 

This however made his mouth free to wheeze out uncontrolled words and moans. “Oh, God,” he gasped, his asshole clenching around Kenma’s tongue.

Kenma for his part was silent, except from the slurping sounds of his mouth. Not that Kuroo’s ears were fully functional at that moment. He felt like he was underwater, heartbeat pounding in his ears and mouth hanging open, drooling onto Kenma’s groin. His hand was still loosely wrapped around Kenma’s erection, but all willpower of continuing the blowjob had been erased from his befuddled mind.

His noisy cries prevented him from hearing the rustling of sheets and the snick of a bottle being opened.

But then he felt Kenma’s tongue retracting and two cold slick fingers caressing at his hole. Kuroo whined into the sheets and felt his legs spread against his will at the feel of Kenma’s fingers entering him. It was a tight squeeze, and Kenma took his time prodding and scissoring, and teasing a third digit around his rim.

Kuroo groaned as Kenma’s fingers gently brushed against his prostate, buried deep inside him.

This sensation, more familiar to him than a tongue, even if all the more intense, shook Kuroo enough to remind him to go back to his own task of sucking Kenma off.

As he went back to it with renewed vigor, he finally heard Kenma make a sound, a beautiful deep moan which spurred Kuroo to hollow his cheeks and suck harder.

Kenma moved in closer so he could tongue around his fingers that were resting inside Kuroo’s ass. He pushed them in deeper while he started alternately licking and scraping his teeth over the sensitive skin of Kuroo’ asshole. Kuroo sobbed and unconsciously started rocking his hips back on Kenma’s fingers, feeling closer and closer to the edge.

As if perceiving Kuroo’s desperation, Kenma reached for Kuroo’s cock and started jacking him intently. At the same time, he crooked his hand forward, sinking his two fingers deep and applying just the right amount of pressure to his prostate. 

Kuroo gasped out in pleasure, balls drawn up tight, and then Kenma’s harsh voice was saying, no, _ordering_ him, “Come, Kuro.”

So he did. Trembling with the shock coursing through his body, he slumped his head forward, not noticing Kenma’s cock twitching in his mouth, and soon after he found his throat flooded with Kenma’s cum too.

He almost choked, but managed to swallow most of it without sending it into his windpipe.

Then he promptly collapsed, coughing and slumping on his side on the bed, limply falling off of Kenma’s body.

He heard Kenma hastily sit up and then felt his soft hand caressing his cheek.

“Kuro? Babe? Are you okay?” He called, concern evident in his voice.

“Mmm…” Kuroo could only reply, voice shot. “You almost killed me.”

Kenma laughed, which Kuroo knew he had to see. Opening his eyes, he was faced with the view of Kenma’s red face, his lips and cheeks wet with spit and lube, but happily smiling at him.

Kuroo’s cheeks flamed at the image. “You seemed to enjoy it,” Kenma commented, obviously pleased with himself.

Kuroo muttered something unintelligible and then stood up abruptly, grabbing Kenma’s wrist and dragging him towards the bathroom to hide his embarrassment. “Let's go clean up,” he said grumpily.

*******

After they had cleaned up (Kenma had made a point of brushing his teeth _twice_ and then gargling mouthwash for good measure), they laid back in bed. Kenma dressed himself in his old Nekoma joggers and a comfy hoodie because he was cold, then grabbed his DS and laid on his back, thumbs flying over the buttons.

Kuroo wasn’t cold and strangely felt quite liberated after what had happened. He only put on a t-shirt, disregarding the underwear completely, then flopped back half on top of Kenma, naked ass in full view.

He crossed his arms on Kenma’s belly and propped his chin up on them.

After a few minutes spent observing his boyfriend playing, he asked “Why today?”

Kenma peeked his face from behind the DS. “Uh?”

Kuroo stuttered. “Why...did you decide to, ehm, do _that_ …! We had never done it before.”

Kenma paused his game and looked at him neutrally. “I figured you didn’t want me to because you felt insecure about something, not because you had tried it and didn’t like it. I don’t think your girlfriend in high school ever did that to you.” 

Kuroo blushed furiously at Kenma’s practicality. The rare times they talked about sex stuff Kenma always surprised him with his bluntness. And, after so many years of knowing him, Kuroo still got embarrassed like a virgin schoolgirl.

“So I needed to catch you with your guard down. You were dumb-horny after the nap today, it seemed like the perfect occasion,” Kenma concluded matter-of-factly. He went to return to his game, but then seemed to think of something and put it back down on the pillow.

He regarded Kuroo very seriously and declared, “Plus, I’ve been awful to you these past months. I know I released all my stress on you and it wasn’t fair; you had your new job to be stressed about, too. This morning you took care of me even though you also had a terrible night. I wanted to take care of you this time.”

Kuroo gaped at him. Damn, here he was again: his wonderful boyfriend, who never talked about love and affection except when he did and said things so simply and wonderfully that they left Kuroo speechless!

“But - why _that_? It’s so gross… Did you even like it?” was the only thing that came to his mind as a reply.

Kenma raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s not gross when you do it to me, isn’t it?” He noted plainly. Then continued, “I don’t know how you can be insecure about any part of your body. You’re tall, you’re an athlete and you have a perfectly proportioned fit body, _and_ your ass is hard as steel and has a great shape.” He spoke with a neutral tone, but Kuroo noticed the tips of his ears reddening.

He blushed, too. “I - okay, I know I am fit, playing volleyball keeps me in shape. That’s not -” He took a deep breath and resigned himself to finally confess his insecurity. “Ok, here goes - I just didn’t think you would ever like putting your face in my sweaty, hairy ass”. He blurted out, putting particular deprecating emphasis on _hairy_.

Kenma raised both eyebrows this time, in a look of realization. He sat up, shaking Kuroo off himself, so Kuroo sat back in front of him.

Then Kenma extended his hands and took one of Kuroo’s in between his own.

“First of all, we had showered before going to bed and it’s cold, so you were not sweaty. Secondly, Kuro…” Kenma paused and fixed him with his most intense, golden stare. “Kuro, I _like_ you. Not only because you’re my friend and lover, but I also like your body. I like that you’re big, that you have hard muscles, I like your abs and your thighs…” Kenma’s cheeks went progressively redder with every word, and then he lowered his eyes and continued his speech looking at his lap. “And I like that you’re a man, thick body hair and all.” He raised his eyes again, furrowing his eyebrows. “If I had wanted a girlfriend I would have gotten one. But I want you and your hairy ass and _don’t you dare_ forbid me to put my face in it again if I want!” He concluded with a belligerent tone, fixing him with a challenging look.

Kuroo was stunned speechless, but still not convinced.

“But-!” he pouted. “But then you brushed your teeth _twice_! And used mouthwash!”

Kenma regarded him as if he was an idiot, and Kuroo felt like one too. “Tetsu,” he said very seriously. “Come on, you’re a man of science. You know that even the cleanest asshole contains bacteria. I just wanted to wash myself properly so I could kiss you again,”, he added saccharinely, and Kuroo suspected that the last part had been added to make fun of him.

After a minute of silently looking into each other's eyes, Kuroo started laughing. He didn’t even know why he was laughing, whether for the relief, for Kenma’s usual crude words, or for having been so stupidly oblivious for so long.

“I hate you when you make sense,” he said finally.

Kenma's face opened into a real, happy smile. “Nah. You love me,”, he said, shrugging, falling back on the bed and moving to pick up his DS.

But Kuroo stopped him by launching his body on top of him, covering him from head to toe. He started plastering kisses on Kenma’s cheeks and replied, “Yeah, I love you, kitten.”

Kenma tried to shove him away, laughing himself. “Get off, you big dork!”

After a while, Kuroo stopped and sat up. “Don’t you have your thesis to review today, or something?” he remembered.

Kenma shrugged and replied, “My supervisor told me that the University is closed for today because of the usual building’s check-up for damages. I decided to take today off. It will be good for my stress.”

“Oh,” Kuroo replied. “That’s good. Yeah. That’s good.” He placed his hands on Kenma’s thighs and started inching them higher. “In this case… wanna go for round two?”

Kenma regarded him with a frown, and Kuroo expected to be cussed out - after all Kenma hadn’t had much time to play games in months.

But, after a pause, Kenma’s brows unclenched and his eyes took on an evil glint.

“Ok - but you will do everything I say and not complain once,” he said devilishly.

Kuroo’s face went red for the umpteenth time that day, but he bowed his head in agreement.

And if he spent the rest of the afternoon with his hands tied to the headboard while Kenma fucked him into the mattress, none was the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this!  
> 😄  
> If you wish to reblog a post for this fic, here are the links:  
> [Tumblr](https://i-graefin.tumblr.com/post/637958147780263936/i-just-wanna-keep-calling-your-name-until-you-come).  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/graefin3/status/1344250981832392705).


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